![]() Ultimately, this involves sharing your perspective with your relational partner and taking responsibility for your behavior. Sounds simple, and it can be once you get the hang of it, but if it is not something you are accustomed to doing, it will take some practice. So, how does one move beyond playing the blame game, toward a relationship where partners engage in perspective taking, create mutual understanding, and engage in productive conflict practices? By metacommunicating - by communicating about communication, talking about your talk. Each person blames the other for their negative conflict behavior, creating a lose-lose situation and prolonging the conflict. The person who demands says that they would not have to be aggressive if the partner was not so passive. The person who withdraws says it is his/her only defense against the partner's aggressive behavior. Each person then punctuates the sequence of events in a self-serving way. For example, a common conflict pattern in distressed relationships is demand-withdraw, where one partner attempts to engage the other in a discussion of an issue by criticizing, complaining, or suggesting change, while the other partner attempts to terminate the discussion or avoid the topic by changing it, staying silent, or leaving the room (Christensen, 1988). ![]() ![]() On the other hand, punctuation is usually done in ways that benefit the individual and support the self-concept, often at the expense of the other person and his/her self-concept. ![]() On the one hand, punctuation organizes communication events, and is therefore essential to ongoing interactions. ![]()
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